It’s not much of a secret among people that I know, that one of my absolute favorite shows over the past few years has been The Middle. One of The Middle’s most memorable plots was an episode that involved the mom’s consumption of toenails. LOL! That’s right! Toenails…
Well, while I didn’t eat toenails I have eaten toe spacer butter. See, my mom, like many Chinese mom’s wasn’t exactly a touchy, feely, huggy, “Oh I love you so much because you are my golden child” kind of mom. My mom showed her love for others and us through food. Food is love.
Now, even though my mom now lives in a nursing facility, she still finds ways to send her love through food. With every meal, mom gets foil wrapped pats of butter. She dutifully collects her pats of butter and compiles them in Ziploc baggies that she gifts to us regularly. “We paid for it so take this home…” Well, my husband, who now does all of the cooking graciously unwraps the pats of butter and cooks with it. This week, we got to the bottom of the baggie and this is what I found…
Hard to see, but yeah, those are toe spacers and a nail clipper imparting extra flavor to my butter…LOL!
It’s a little hard to see, but we’ve been eating toe spacer and toenail clipper enhanced butter for the last three weeks or so! Don’t get me wrong everything was still delicious, but I just might check the baggies before I bring them home from 15 Craigside from now on!
I have to admit, it is still is nice to be able to get just a little bit of food that is love from my mom…
The post that started it all (at least I think it’s the one that started it all).
Then the people that have to one up the first couple by actually singing:
Then there is the smartass genre of which, these two are standouts:
And because I’m not ALWAYS a jaded cynic, there this totally awesome legit version:
Ultimately though, let’s face it. I’m pretty sure that this would be the closest version to my reality. LOL!
So … Services are SO efficient these days!
Yay! Self-checkout at the store! Woohoo! (But really, I’m doing what someone used to do for me…Thanks for jack crap!).
I need to register the car I shipped from CA to HI in Hawaii. To get a registration, I need a safety check, but to get a safety check, I need a registration. So I have to go to a station, fail a safety check, take the failed paperwork to a City Hall, get a registration, then GO BACK to the station to get a sticker. Have IT ppl in Hawaii never heard of databases?
Now Oceanic Time Warner Cable (the ever LOVELY AT&T) can’t seem to figure out how to change a California billing address to a Honolulu address WHERE THE SERVICE IS ACTUALLY DELIVERED. Go to Oceanic office where nice woman clicks away at a computer and “takes care of it” but doesn’t. Bill still goes to LA. Go online. Before ever going down to the Oceanic Office, I had done address change online in the profile>billing address field so it had already been changed under “Billing Address” in the profile. Bill still goes to LA. Call. Wait on hold. On hold. On hold. On hold. Lady gets error message. She’ll call me back after she talks to supervisor. Calls me back. She can’t fix it. I need to talk to “bulk department.”
Lady: “Can I transfer you to the bulk department?”
Me: “Yes, please.”
Lady: “They’re closed because it’s Saturday.”
Me (sighing): Is there a case number that I should refer to when I call them back?”
Lady: “No, you just call us back and we’ll transfer you.”
I ask again:
When I was a kid, the six o’clock news used to come on, on Sunday nights. The KGMB news used to have this jingle that went, “One of the good things about Hawaii is KGMB…”
I hated that jingle! I didn’t hate it because it was horrible or anything, but remember hating the fact that I almost always got a stomach ache when that jingle came on, on Sundays because it meant that the weekend was over and that I’d have to go to school the next day. Going to school the next day was almost always made worse because more often than not I had lied to my mom about having finished all of my homework for Monday which meant a lot of desperate scrambling between my 7:15 drop off at school and the first bell at 8:10.
Anyway, I don’t usually have homework anymore and I actually have a job that I very much enjoy, but I still get that sad feeling of dread on Sunday evenings. It got me thinking, tonight, about why it is that I dread the end of my weekends. What is it about my weekends that I love so very much? Well, this weekend, I took my mom out for lunch at Highway Inn (highly recommended, but not if you are one of the many, many people in Hawaii doing the Purium 10-day Transformation cleanse); I had dinner with my mom and brother’s family tongiht; and in between, I watched 11 episodes of season 1 of ABC’s Revenge on Netflix.
As you can probably guess, I’m not exactly the most “active” guy ever. My friend Anna recently stated, “The sloth is my spirit animal.” You know, I think I’d have to concur. The sloth is my spirit animal, too … and that is why I dread Sunday evenings.
Yeah … This is pretty much me on every weekend.
How much longer until I can retire and have six Saturdays and a Sunday?
I have this weird love-hate relationship with the Don Quijote stores in Hawaii. I find myself wandering the aisles of Don Quijote on Kaheka St. surprisingly frequently. I mean, where else can do one-stop shopping to find:
- a set of Sony RF wireless headphones so your mom can hear her TV in the nursing home
- a reusable lunch bag
- a golden-dewlicious hybrid melon
- one of those kitchen towels your mom used to wipe the counters down
- Pic-brand roach killing boric-acid
- tonkatsu sauce
- THE ABSOLUTE BEST CUSTARD PIE IN HAWAII
There was a time a long, long time ago when I would have said, “Longs Drugs,” but now that Longs Drugs in Hawaii are really CVS stores in disguise, they are mere shadows of their former one-stop shopping retail glory.
I LOVE that about Don Quijote. The weird thing, though, and the thing I seem to hate about the place is that it is the most ODDLY organized store in the history of retail stores. You have to just wander around until you find the things you need because if there IS some organizing principle about how products in Don Quijote are organized, I don’t get it.
A few things to know:
- Their custard pie has been my favorite for years, but last week somebody forgot to set a timer and every single one on display in the case was burnt so let the buyer beware!
- Everybody’s elderly mom, dad, and calabash uncles and aunties also shop at Don Quijote and, you know, they’re all getting up there in years so the parking lot is SUPER DANGEROUS. Watch out!
- Tuesdays are Senior Discount days–10% off! DON’T GO HERE ON TUESDAYS!!!
Have you ever noticed that when things happen in life that make your friends and family say, “Well, it’s their loss …” that those are the times when it really feels the most like you’re the loser? Yeah, that happened …
And, “It’s not you, its me …” That, too …
So … Apparently, some people that I work with (well … one person) feel that my vision of educational technology is too, “pie in the sky …” whatever the hell that means. To you, I say:
Yeah you can suck it, dumbass! You’re lame and I have to be polite to you so all I can do is write in this blog … But it does make me feel better.