I think I'm just about over Facebook. Too much information is no good. I suddenly have people that I haven't had contact with for 25 years back when I was a pimply-faced-220lb-fat-high-school-dork contacting me via Facebook. It is kind of novel, but being that I am quite introverted and anti-social, people reaching out to me via Facebook induces stress. I don't like stress.
Mainly, though, I find that sometimes a "don't ask, don't tell" or "what stays in Vegas" policy is a good thing. Facebook has informed me that my wonderful, lovely, beautiful, sweet, innocent, smart, and VIRGINAL twenty-two year old niece:
- Can, apparently, really pound some shots when she feels like it …
- Is, apparently, hanging out in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with some buff-frat-guy-looking dude whose Facebook profile pic shows him … Holding a beer bottle … !!! (GASP!!! … Is this young
manhooligan good enough for my Princess of a niece if he drinks … BEER???)
Okay, I don't exactly have my head TOTALLY up my butt … As a loving uncle, when she went off to college four years ago I double-checked to make sure that she did or planned to practice "safer-sex" if/when she "did the deed." She looked at me like she wanted to die of embarrassment … But I HAD to ask … Anyway … All I'm saying is that in my head, I know she is a twenty-two year old woman who will do what twenty-two year old women do all over the world, but sometimes learning what you learn from Facebook makes it harder to live in the fantasy in my head where she is still strapped in the car seat in the back seat of my car singing along to tunes from the Little Mermaid cassette tape!
Of course, I'd NEVER love her any less because of what I learn via Facebook, that's not it at all. More than anything, seeing for myself that my niece is living a full life of her own out there in the REAL WORLD just makes it a bit harder hard not to worry … Because you know … I LOVE THAT KID!!!
And it'll only get worse … The niece who be an eighth grader in a few weeks is campaigning hard to get a Facebook page of her own (though I suspect strongly there already is a secret one around …)!!!
Damn you, Facebook!!! Damn you!!!