on the bus in the sky …

So, it’s been many years since air travel has been the glamorous experience portrayed in Pan Am, one of my new guilty pleasure shows this season. The stewardesses in the show (and they are, indeed, “stewardesses”, not flight attendants) serve hot meals on china and real linens to passengers relaxing in the lounge at the back of the plane–The lounge that you get to by walking down the three-and-a-half foot wide aisle. It’s just past the fresh floral arrangement on the left …

Anyway, here I sit, folded up like a pretzel and trapped in a window seat unable to move. The slowest moving flight attendant in the history of aviation has finally wheeled the cart down the narrow aisle, an aisle so narrow that when combined with the fact that since she is unable to walk down the aisle straight forward she has to shuffle sideways like she’s doing an NFL drill, is causing her service to be even slower. In fairness, I cannot walk down the aisle facing forward either, but, well, she is here and I am mad so I’m going to be mean to her in my blog so that I won’t be mean to her in real life.

Anyway, again, they passed out these lovely glossy menus with the buy-on-board selections that look, oh, so very scrumptious, except THEY FRIGGING DON’T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT except for this box of frigging “travel treats.”

Because I seem to be sitting in what apparently is exact halfway point in the plane, the cart of non-glam flight attendants that started at the front met up with the cart of non-glam flight attendants that started at the back right at my row where, by then, they only had jack crap to sell.

I’m not so good at hiding my emotions so even though I was trying to be polite, the head non-glam attendant just gave me the last box of leftovers. It is, indeed, the leftover dregs, but, shit, at least it was free … I guess … I mean, really, what else was she supposed to do, but I’m just cramped and hungry and grumpy so it is what it is.

My trans fats buffet!

In the bigger picture, in the old glam days ‘o Pan Am, flying really was only for the true 1% so I wouldn’t even be ON the plane so there is still much to be thankful for, right?

It’s just that, in the days of the Pan Am stewardesses, celebrities were excited to announce that they were dating Pan Am stewardesses … I mean, can you imagine George Clooney’s publicist being excited to feature him around town with a Delta, United, or American flight attendant? I can’t …

My how times have changed!

By the way, please watch Pan Am on Sundays.  I really, really like it, but I don’t think the ratings are too good so they need all the help they can get to be able to keep the story lines going for another few years.  Thank your for your cooperation on this matter.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

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