So, I've always had tendancies toward being a bit of a loner. As a kid, I liked hanging out by myself, and I remember just hanging out in the back yard or the house and entertaining myself for long periods of time. As an adult, I continued to enjoy hanging out on my own. Friends used to be horrified at the fact that from time to time I would go out to eat at a nice restaurant by myself. I wouldn't sit at a counter, but would just take a table and order whatever the hell I wanted to eat and a good time would be had by all!!!
I haven't done it much, but I have also found that I enjoy traveling by myself as well. I like just wandering around doing whatever I want, whenever I want to do it, for as much time as I want to do it.
Recently, however, it's begun to bother me that I am choosing to spend so much time by myself. S/O is great and we really enjoy spending time together, but recently I REALLY seem to be relishing the time that I spend on my own. Today at lunch, for example, I got my lunch and there were a few different tables of teachers with whom I could have dined, but I just felt like I needed to go sit on one of the benches under the trees and be by myself. Would I know if my desire to be by myself got to the point of being un-healthy?
I would say that I'm kind of introverted, but I wouldn't say that I'm a very shy person either. All I know is that the absolute biggest fear/anxiety that I have in life is that I'm going to be old, alone, and living in a cluttered house with, like, a hundred cats.
A few weeks ago, there was a horrid heatwave that swept through the SoCal area and a whole bunch of old people died in their homes and apartments. The stories on the news completely fed into my very worst fears. Worst of all, there was a woman out in a dessert community called Palmdale who died from the heat and authorities believe that she was living in her car. OMG! I SO could just picture myself in her situation!!! It made me incredibly sad and the picture of this woman that they flashed across the screen stuck in my mind for a number of days … I know that I have to make an effort to develop friendships and relationships with more people, but it just seems like such hard work right now …
I guess that the problem is that I want to be alone … I just don't want to die alone … Sigh … I should have looked into adopting a baby from China ten years ago before I got too old to be considered (Those Chinese are having to hold on to their girls so they're making it a lot tougher to adopt, now … You can't be old or fat … But I digress …) … But then, that's not exactly the greatest reason to adopt a baby, huh? So that you'll have someone to care for you when you're old? … Sigh … I should get a dog … But we travel too much and since Hawaii has pets go through a rabies quarrantine, a dog wouldn't be practical … Sigh … So we're back to cats … OMG … I'm going to be an old man with cats!!! I know it!!!
I'm going to end up alone with cats and the only contact I'll have with other people will be on Vox … Sigh …
So … is Prozac expensive?