i seem to have misplaced the last 25 years!

In four days, I'm heading home to attend my 25th Year High School Reunion.  It's really strange, because I can't really get my mind around the fact that I actually graduated from high school a quarter of a century ago.  I would have thought that by the time I got to this point in my life, that I'd be a lot more "together" than I've managed thus far.   I do have to say that, fortunately, I'm a much happier person right now than at any other point in my life–my relationships with my S/O, family, and friends are great, but I just thought that I'd "feel" more confident in my skin by now. Objectively, for example, I think that I do decently well at my job.  I'm not a genius at my chosen profession, but with some effort I can do what I need to do.  There is, however, always the nagging little part in my brain that says, "Hey dude, you've fooled all of these people into believing that you know what you're doing and they're gonna find out about you any day now …"  It's weird because as the reunion gets closer, the nagging voice gets louder and it's making me feel like I'm the same geeky-chunky-teenager that I was in high school.  My biggest fear about all of this is that when I walk into the cocktail party on Friday it'll somehow magically teleport me back in time to the cafeteria in middle school when the absolute worst part of the day was exiting the cafeteria line with your food on a tray and having to find a friendly face with which to sit.  My intellect keeps telling me that, that just isn't going to happen, but it is telling that even though I'm 42 years old, the feelings and fears continue to be there even when, intellectually, I know that it'll be fine.  I guess the best thing about this is knowing that in high school, I was the kind of kid that let my feelings and fears prevent me from doing things that I had really wanted to do.  Now, I might suffer anxiety about lame stuff like this, but in the end, I know that I'm gonna put on my grown up clothes, go to the party, and have a good time.    

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