sensible shoes, hair buns, chinese food, chewy cookies, and a little google …

I went to a gathering of fellow people who toil in buildings with lots of books with lots of young people making lots of noise, today.  In case you've never had the great fortune to attend one of these festive events, here's the short skinny on what you need to know so you can be prepared for the experience.  First, there sure is a lot of estrogen wafting about when these kinds of gatherings go off, but there'll never be a long line for the testosterone loo.  You'll see lots of people in sensible shoes; lots of hair in buns; and quite a few more quilted vests than you are used to seeing in the general population.  As you enter the room these people who toil in the buildings with books will be standing around in their sensible shoes, hair buns, and quilted vests discussing topics like "Why does the general population continue to believe those old fashioned incorrect stereotypes about our profession anyway?"  Meanwhile, vendors from companies big and small will be on hand to hawk their wares in another part of the room and you'll be able to tell them from the people who toil in the buildings with lots of books because they'll either have penises or shoes that are noticably less sensible.  It's nice to meet these vendors because they have very good people skills and are extremely skillful at reading your nametag really fast … fast, fast, fast … and then addressing you by name so you can feel like you have lots and lots of friends even if you are like me and tend to keep your list of friends capped at 7 (bummer for you if your parents named you something like Oneida or gave your some freaky name spelling like Kymburli because the vendors are only human and probably won't be able to figure your name out in time to make you feel better about yourself … sorry). 

Anyway, always register as soon as you get to the gathering so you can be sure to find out what kind of prizes will be given out at the raffle being held at the end of the day (raffles will ONLY ever be held at the end of the day in order to prevent rogue building toilers from flying the coop and heading to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf down the street after the first breakout session and in this world, you MUST be present to win!).  You'll be able to tell the veteran attendees at the gathering because by the time you stroll in at the stated starting time and get through the registration line, they'll already have the free flowered tote bag from the Baker and Taylor Rep. stuffed with free pens, pencils, Dewey Decimal rulers, posters, and book themed versions of Happy Meal-like toys.  If you are truly wise, you will forego collecting the crap that you'll put in your closet for a year, then throw out and scan the room for the donuts and muffins before all of the good glazed with sprinkles ones are gone and you have to settle for blueberry.  Listen closely to the openning remarks so you know where the bathrooms are.  After you know where the bathrooms are, you can continue talking with other toilers about stereotypes and such.  The gathering I attended today took the very bold choice to serve Chinese food for lunch.  Kudos to the lunch committee!  As is typical of a gathering like this, the breakout sessions ranged from EXCELLENT (the lady from Google) to pretty good, to not so hot … (I have never presented myself so I will refrain from casting any stones … except I will say that a hair bun was involved and I kind of expected her to get out a tambourine and dance about during the session, but alas, a tambourine never materialized … It would have helped me to keep my eyes open … ).  After the last breakout session, you'll have to head back to the main gathering area in order to find out if your name got called in the raffle for the questionably beautiful lawn scupture of the little girl reading a book, but while you're there double check because at the good gatherings, like today's, there'll be cookies or some other kind of snack available for you before you hit the road for home. There you have it!  People Who Toil in Buildings with Books Gathering Orientation 101: The Basics.  Now you're good to go …

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2 thoughts on “sensible shoes, hair buns, chinese food, chewy cookies, and a little google …

  1. LOL! While you toiled here…I had the excellent experience of finding out that kids do not know what cursive writing is. Excellent! LOL! Ahh, I think I need to wear my Princess Leia buns/ear warmers to these functions so that I can fit in!

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